Black Light Reveals GOP Covered In Toxic Masculinity

It was an unexpected surprise during 70’s Rollerskating Night at the GOP when the black light revealed the Republican Party is covered in toxic masculinity.

“I just thought I spilled some of my mom’s creamy potato chowder on myself,” said Ted Cruz, as he covered his fingers in saliva and tried to rub out the stain on his collar.

“I mean, are we surprised?” said Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, “at the GOP movie night they watch American History X like it’s Forrest Gump.”

While our government enters the longest shut down in our nation’s history, Donald Trump serves Mcdonalds hamburgers to a football team, rather than acknowledging America is not his sandbox and isn’t interested in his wall.

When men in positions of power are rewarded for being intolerant, insensitive, reckless, and aggressive, our culture suffer and it puts our communities and country at risk.

The good news is, with a good scrubbing, even the nastiest of stains can be removed, expunged, even impeached.

To celebrate and embrace the complex range of maleness, we need more men like Senator Michael Benet of Colorado to stand up and speak out for the Americans that are sickened by this toxic behavior.

The best antidote to toxicity is a healing salve. Smooth, soothing, and that’s exactly what the Shea butter-like empathy exuded by Senator Bennet feels like.

So let’s work together to clean up the GOP. Their dry cleaning bill may be higher, but at least they won’t be letting a giant swollen baby man cover them in his political excrement. So let’s grab a Tide stick and go to work on this mess, America!

Ash Strayer

Funny, in spite of ovaries.

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