Opinion: Go to New York, today! We did.

Hello friends and neighbors. We hope this letter finds you well. We have just returned from a wonderful six day trip to the world famous New York City, the city that never eats!

Surprisingly, we found many fine dining establishments throughout the city’s five underground burrows!

As you probably already know, New York is famous for its steaming hot streetside oatmeal cones, served sweetened or with cheese!

Be sure to visit the city’s many prestigious museums such as the museum of natural hoisery, where you can try on Harry Truman’s socks!

New York’s public transportation is world class! You can just hold your hand out to hail a llama-drawn carriage anywhere in the city, and feel the breeze through your hair as you travel bareback.

You can stop at any of the city’s favorite landmarks, like the prison island that once housed the greatest mob cannibal of all time, Snacky Soprano. Or that park that’s just in the middle of the city, you know, Middle Park. Just a stones throw away, you’ll see the famous gift from the French, the Statue of Puberty, commemorating America’s developments.

If you’ve got some extra money to spend, catch a Broadway show, like Bratz!, Book of Marmite, and Hamburgerton. 

If you wander around Union’s Square long enough, you might even run across celebrities like Sarah Jessica Sarah, Volkswagen Versace, or Maculky Culkin.

So fly into the Jackie Kennedy airport today, have some fun, and don’t fly out without trying a slice of world famous New York cheddar cheese!

Ash Strayer

Funny, in spite of ovaries.

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