You Might Be a Single Parent If…

1) You hang the Christmas decorations on top of the Halloween decorations

2) You call your neighbor the nanny

3) You eat the last cup of noodle in the bathtub, not just to hide it but also because it makes the water feel warmer and TO GET SOME GOD DAMN PEACE FOR ONE SECOND

4) You left your child’s parent or the parent of your child left you

5) You have trouble forming lasting interpersonal relationships

6) The foodbank has caught on to your multitude of disguises and reminded you their policy is only one turn per person; but that overcoat and mustache just look so good on you.

7) You’ve had to choose between your own personal life or staying home to invest time in becoming a better parent – and learning where that healthy ratio is. Seriously, it’s hard, it could take forever.

8) You’ve tread lines of sanity only someone who has spent weeks/months without the company of another adult would understand. You’ve watched more TIKTOK videos and Spongebob Squarepants than psyche can endure.

9) You’ve sustained bodily harm only possible by cosleeping with a restless sleeper who insisted they must sleep in your bed, and somehow you dutifully agreed, and paid the medical bills for years to come.

10) You were finally awarded a medal of recognition by the president of the United States for all you have accomplished and sacrificed – for the labor of love of your child, and there was a big parade and… oh wait no, we don’t get that… but we should get some hugs I think. Maybe soon.

Ash Strayer

Funny, in spite of ovaries.

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