Advice, Dating, Love, Opinion, People

Ask Ash – Advice from a Sub-Average Adult

Dear Anonymous, Isn’t this just Pandemic Problem #1 that I keep hearing about over and over again? You are not alone in this struggle girl, for real. Let’s break this thing WIDE OPEN! First of all, I feel you with the attraction vs. logistics conundrum. There is nothing worse than having your body telling you […]

Read more
Opinion, People

You Might Be a Single Parent If…

1) You hang the Christmas decorations on top of the Halloween decorations 2) You call your neighbor the nanny 3) You eat the last cup of noodle in the bathtub, not just to hide it but also because it makes the water feel warmer and TO GET SOME GOD DAMN PEACE FOR ONE SECOND 4) […]

Read more
News, Opinion, People

Teenagers Body-shaming Billie Eilish Test Positive For Oedipus Complex

After stepping outside without any sleeves on, the internet was set afire with body-shamers criticizing Billie’s Eilish‘s figure, calling it a “mid-30’s wine mom bod.” In a truly Freudian slip-of-fate, medical results from the critics have just come back positive, indicating what we all suspected, a full blown case of Oedipus complex. Does Billie Eilish’s […]

Read more
Opinion

Opinion: Go to New York, today! We did.

Hello friends and neighbors. We hope this letter finds you well. We have just returned from a wonderful six day trip to the world famous New York City, the city that never eats! Surprisingly, we found many fine dining establishments throughout the city’s five underground burrows! As you probably already know, New York is famous […]

Read more
Opinion

13 Times Rachel’s Dad Was Full Of Shit

My best friend Rachel’s dad, Darryl, is such a total bummer and A LIAR! Here are 13 times he was soooooo full of shit: Darryl says he was in the army, but he won’t tell us where he got to go and always says he, “doesn’t want to re-live it for our entertainment,” whatever that […]

Read more