Gluttony

BDSM Nachos Have No Safe-Word

These nachos are bad, REAL bad. I mean like NAUGHTY bad. They want your mouth on ‘em, and they’re just BEGGING for it! They don’t want a safe word and they don’t need one. They don’t want you to stop, no matter how much they try to wriggle away from your greased hands. THAT is […]

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Local

Seattle Reinforces Toilets To Withstand Violent Coffee Shits

To ensure public safety, the City of Seattle has issued a public ordinance to mandate that all toilets be reinforced in order to withstand the violent coffee shits that have become a staple of the city’s coffee culture. Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan has declared a city-wide plumbing emergency after escalating instances of exploding porcelain toilets […]

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Opinion

13 Times Rachel’s Dad Was Full Of Shit

My best friend Rachel’s dad, Darryl, is such a total bummer and A LIAR! Here are 13 times he was soooooo full of shit: Darryl says he was in the army, but he won’t tell us where he got to go and always says he, “doesn’t want to re-live it for our entertainment,” whatever that […]

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People

Gynecologist Commits To Getting More Hands-On in 2019

As the new year begins, many people are making resolutions to ensure 2019 is their best year yet, and that’s no different for our local medical professionals. Doctor Heisenberg Gropenstein has been working as an OB-GYN for the last 26 years, but this year, he has committed to getting more hands-on in his day to […]

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